Once Upon A Relationship




Once, my mom asked me “who is your best friend?” I mentioned one girlfriend’s name that i wasn’t even sure of.

When i was in secondary school, i met a girl at an holiday lesson into JSS1 and we became friends, we sat next to each other in class and kept malice on irrelevancies for hundred years; make up, break up. Call it a child’s play now. Years later, i tried to build the connection on Facebook but to no avail.

In primary school, i had a girl friend called Aishat.

We went to school together, we had our clashes one time, i can remember vividly but what ended the relationship was when i moved or was it when she moved and we graduated into secondary school? Today, i cannot find her even though i tried. Aisha, wherever you are, I remember you and I hope you do to.
The only friend i found from my past is on facebook, she is cool and all but the ties are lost. We look at each other from afar. Let me call it passed friendship memories.

A close family member told me one day “you have plenty friends, most of whom are guys, but who is your best friend?” I had never thought of who my best friend was until this. The problem i have with the term best friend is determining exactly who my bestfriend is or what a best friend means. Another problem is never having a best friend that “stayed”

I realised that people can never be perfect and there is that one unique feature or connection you will find in people that would either make them a real pal, friend or best.This is a score i have settled within. The thought of best friend had never really OCCURRED to me. When i moved to another secondary school, i THOUGHT i had a (real) friend, i never thought about BEST friend. For me, i think best friends are supposed to be ‘perfect'( not perfect perfect) for the mutual relationship, and very close.
Should i then call my boyfriend my best friend or some guy that is a friend? What about a girl that is a best? What exactly defines a best friend?

Growing up, i never allowed any one “close” to that point of BEST friend because it wasn’t in my dictionary. Until i brought myself to the realisation that there is INDEED something called best friend, in my entire life, i never had a best friend. There was a time i was considering a friend as a best friend but then she did something that hurt me so bad that i had to say a best friend ought not to do such. It hurt me to think that I couldn’t do such so why should she? After everything. But i didn’t have a choice, she may not even come to the realisation of her wrongs, she is human and humans are flawed. Didn’t they say it is only a friend you have quarreled with that’s a real friend?

I have people, especially guys who call me their best pal but i had never thought to categorize them as one. Would i call them acquaintances or just friends?

Most times, i meet nice people that i flow with, if we could stay for some more, we may become best pals but we never stay. Perhaps the separation of distance( i have this a lot) coupled with my “private, don’t come close” mentality have weeded away any potential best friend. I met a friend that i liked in one state, we tried to make it work afterwards, well i tried, can’t say for her but it didn’t work. I met a whole lot more on socials, it stays there, nothing more.

Also, i have noticed that in life, we build and loose relationships, we meet different people for different purposes everyday. Some will not stay, others will, maybe not now but some day. Yes. There are friends i made yesterday that are still with me today and some gone. Few, a watch or glance from afar saying “i see you”. But the idea of a best friend is another new venture for me entirely. I can only boast of one, maybe

There are still some people you have to let go. Consider making very good friends in some place and later got separated by distance or work or something. It is up to you and your friend(s) to MAKE it work. If you value love and friendship, you will make it work. You will make calls and go distances, you will text and throw get together or parties, you will check up on others and be the best for them and all. If all these and even more are lacking, giving how hard i tried to make it work, should i still value such relationships closer or farther? No. I move on ( see why best friend never occurred to me?). I find it funny and difficult to “pursue” friends( especially those i like )who are unwilling, i see it as devaluing or to cut off the friendship chain built up from the start.

I made a friend while in camp, we had our beds close to each other and came to camp together. It was a nice connection, we even discovered we attended the same school. Unfortunately, we were separated by platoon. She made new friends, spent more time with them and forgot our relationship. I made new friends as well but never forgot her. I couldn’t, we still sleep close to each other. At first, i wasn’t happy about she forgetting the relationship. I value love and friendship. Someone said i should try and join her group of new friends. I tried by  going that far to join them in their hangouts one day, that’s after several attempts to “pursue” my supposed friend, asking her whereabouts and eventually not being able to locate her. I took it hook, line and sinker and started to spend more time with my new friends( that’s because it was more of a duty as a member of a group), i also spent time with some platoon members i made friends with, especially one girlfriend like that.  After camp, i still pursued this girlfriend of mine, never forgetting others and  got to the point of telling her that she doesn’t care and then i gave up; I gave her space. If i value you and you don’t value me, am sorry, we cannot be friends, no best friend allowed even so. Better to turn an acquaintance, we say hello,  On Facebook.

I am not a “follow me i follow you person” i value people because i love them and see qualities in them, taking them for who they are. I can not force myself on someone and vice versa. Friendship or building relationships is not by force. We loose one to gain another. There are reasons for that.

If you have people around you that do not “care” or value your friendship, give yourself a break and move on. Moving on could be anything. You stay off, you watch from a distance, you cut off …. Anything that goes for you. Better than to be clogged in some unhealthy relationships. My sister had issues with a girl from her church whom she had tried to make friends with but she kept being pushed away. I told her “you are unique and must not force yourself to be anyone’s friend. Leave the girl and move on. Say hello and bye.

Relationships are to be valued. If it is not. Say Hello and Bye.

We loose one and gain another.
We build one and gain forever.

So for those of you who tag along the borders of cringy and unhealthy relationships all in the name of best friend or friendship sake, I am sure you know what you are doing. But most importantly, value yourself and then weigh the value your friend(s) place on you. If it’s not okay, you know what to do. If it’s okay, you know what to do as well. If you do not know what to do, you are on your own and may God help you. 

Watch out for the next sequel, perhaps by then, God would have answered your prayers. 



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3 Replies to “Once Upon A Relationship”

  1. If they were truly best friends, they would leave.
    I have almost the same set of friends for 20years and running. Now we don’t even see each other as friends, we consider ourselves family.

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