When Mr Lucas called to query him about his last performance, he had been a little upset.
” I do my job well, it’s the only thing I know how to do best sire”
“Pull out your hands” he said.
I watched him jot down something in his notes with his red pen. Red indicated a negative report, i wondered what he wrote but I cared less. I stretched my hands over the machine as it fluttered. My right hand shook.
“Why is your right hand shaking Agent?”
I didn’t reply. The red pen again.
“You think your lack of coordination makes you miss your marks?” He asked.
I shook my head, how could I explain that I missed my mark during practice, but Agent Lucy said the gun was jammed.
” let’s try this, word association…”
I swallowed and looked away.
” No thinking please.” He said.
” Trust?” He asked me, expecting an immediate answer.
“Friend” I replied indifferently.
I didn’t answer, he was asking too much, what the hell.
“So what’s wrong with family, are you stable ever since Joan left you? Because that can affect your overall balance on the job.”
“What! How did you know she left me? And since when does family affect my balance on the job?”
“Because it’s part of my evaluation, your commander couldn’t be objective about that “
I hated it, I hated the fact that this sonofabitch just walked in here to do some crazy evaluation and use it against me where it hurts. Joan was the least of my problems for now, she couldn’t handle my job, now it’s Pa. I have him to contend with. He is sick and I am letting him die.
“Stay with me Agent!” He barked.
“What do you want to know?” I inquired.
“Tell me about your family, you moved to your parents house recently.”
“Yes, what about it?”
“You moved after Joan left, how do your parents feel about your job?”
I was getting upset, I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out, I scratched my hair and shifted in my seat. He watched me keenly, his pen working swiftly on a white paper, from my sitting position, I saw only darts of red ink scattered across. I sighed.
“l can see you need time, let’s divert, June 5, 2:43pm, Parkside building, tell me what happened.”
Is this guy serious? my brain rang out.
“It is in the records, i am sure you saw it”.
“The human experience told verbatim is very interesting, it tells a lot off the paper.”
I was too stubborn to answer, I recalled the scene, my best friend had stepped on a bomb and blew up himself and I couldn’t help him. I struggled to stiffen the tears welling up in my eyes.
Mr Lucas looked up from his paper sternly.
“On that day, your best friend died and you kept saying, wait John, we could use water to get off your weight, hang on buddy, but he wouldn’t listen.”
I clenched my fist. “yes! I thought that could saved him but I guess he knew better”
“Well? It couldn’t, so is that why you have issues at home? Joan must be scared of loosing you, i think your father too.”
I managed to squeeze out a laugh, oh damn, he got me. He got me. I sniffed.
“My father is sick, he accused me of letting him die faster, when John died, old man said I was gonna die soon too and that he couldn’t handle.”
“Why the accusation?” He cut in.
I straightened and managed to say,
“Because he wants me to quit my job but I can’t.