Author Archives: Enny Cole

About Enny Cole

I am a walking stream of thought. And building ideas and personal brands is my forte. With other things in between, I am just a talkative on paper trapped in a spinning mind.

IDIOTS GUIDE TO THE UNIVERSE #6. | What Company Do You Keep?

 

Sign #6: Idiots Surround Themselves With Idiots

From as far back as I can remember, as a kid, I was always admonished, “birds of a feather flock together” and, of course, the very famous, “show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.

The intent of these messages, and other similar ones as well, I believe, was for us kids to shun bad influences from peer groups particularly by avoiding the negative groups themselves and to choose friendships that promoted positive attributes.

Naturally, we gravitate towards people who exhibit common traits, interests and tastes with us and who do similar activities as we do. We tend to associate and congregate with these people.

Idiots are not exempted from this rule

One sign of an idiot is the level of dedication with which they seek other idiots.

This confluence of idiots, desperately seeking to outdo themselves in their display of idiocy, will tell them what they want to hear; gleefully argue with them about insensible things; facilitate the wasting and killing of precious time; encourage them to complain about problems they have never thought of solving; drag them to failure [I heard that failure, to some people, becomes more acceptable when they discover that “other people failed too”. This is particularly true of idiots].

Perhaps the most important function of the support system which an idiot builds around himself is that it fosters a mutual scoff at wisdom and lends credibility to inanity.

If a non-idiot chances upon such a congregation, he has two options really- to join them in their hearty feast of folly and risk being infected by the idiot bug or to simply walk away. If he dares attempt to teach sound knowledge, he will be promptly dealt with. He will receive the severest tongue-lashing of his one life and, if care is not taken, this wise man may begin to think that perhaps he is the idiot. If a single idiot is hard to convince, think of the miracle it will take for a congregation of idiots.

I think this is the most revealing sign of an idiot for a very valid reason.

Arguably, the easiest way to pick up, maintain and/or propagate a practice is through groups. If you want to pick up a trait, you mingle with persons who exhibit that particular trait. If you want to be wise, you mix with people who are wise. Simple and basic.

An idiot has a higher chance of being redeemed from his idiocy when he mixes with wise people than he does if he remains in the Idiot Union. If a person repeatedly exhibits idiotic tendencies, it is very likely because he is frequently within a system with a powerful force field of idiocy and which encourages the display of such.

There are many things one can do to stop being an idiot but the most important one, I believe, is to consciously begin to avoid other idiots. This, sometimes, may be quite difficult but it is a needful lesson we all must learn and apply in life. After all, who loves to lose a friend, especially a long time friend?

But I have learnt that as we grow, some associations must change. If we are not headed in the same direction, then what on earth are we doing in the same boat?

That you were important in my past does not necessarily mean that you would be instrumental in my future.

It doesn’t mean I hate you or that I would stop talking with you. No. It just means that I would spend very, very little time being around you. Destiny is calling. I must heed. Goodbye.

If an idiot says he wants to be wise, but remains in the Idiot Union, he just likes the sound of his voice and is only in love with the idea of being wise.

Show me a consistent, unrepentant idiot, and I will tell you who his friends are.


Akpoveta Valentine ‘t

Kineto Leadership Coach

He has served severally in Leadership Capacities in various Organizations and is a contributor to several Print and Web Media.  He is also passionate about nation-building. His pastimes include Critical Thinking, Reading, Group Discussions, Net Surfing and Writing. You can connect with him On Facebook.

Buckle My Shoe | Letter Of The Unknown

 

I remember the songs now. Halfway. The one we chant late into the night. It meant anything to me now But It catches my fancy today. And it somehow spreads a thin line of an awkward smile across my sullen cheeks. I have had enough to deal with inwardly that the chorus seeped through my mind and somehow want to sting my eyes.

No, I did actually got stung. I flutter my eyelids begging them not to spill because this my present façade of a being; against the one that wrestles inside will shatter the isolation of thoughts to anyone who comes asking what is wrong. They seem to have merge, finding a compromise to tell me hey girl, it is that bad you can no longer cheer and everyone will note it because you are not very good at hiding.

I was at the edge of running mad in water. I said to myself just before I penned this down.

Leave. Go outside and rage. Facing the toilet mirror and pour it all out.

A bolt was coming, I saw it coming but somehow I had fought it and stood my ground.

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IDIOTS GUIDE TO THE UNIVERSE #5 | How Not To Whine But Act!

 

Sign #5: Idiots Fixate On Problems

This is another most curious habit of idiots. Fixation on problems.

Before you read on, take a phone that is not water resistant and dunk it into a bucket of water. After about ten minutes, bring it out. My guess is that it is off. Right?
Now, I need you to do something for me. Look at the phone very well. Has it come on? No? Well maybe you aren’t looking at it hard enough. Try harder! Still hasn’t come on? Okay, try something else. Shout at the phone. It should come on. Hasn’t still come on? Oh, you’re not doing this right. Shout harder at it. Perhaps, the water has blocked its ears. Shout even louder. Didn’t work? Don’t give up yet. I’m sure you have heard that [silly] phrase- “never give up”. If shouting doesn’t seem to work, then begin complaining. I’m sure this should work.

 

 

 

I take an active leadership role in a number of organisations. One of the things I have come to realise is that problems do not solve themselves. I also realise that,

Looking at a problem, no matter how long, doesn’t solve it.

Shouting at a problem, no matter how high, rarely solves it.

Complaining about a problem, no matter how bitterly, hardly solves it.

So I tell whoever works with me, if you’re pointing out a problem, then you must suggest a solution- no matter how little. If you’re shooting down someone else’s solution, then you must bring a better, more workable one. So they know better than to come to me to tell me about a problem without telling me how it may be solved. One of the first things to do when faced with a problem, I show people, is to first recognise it as one. And then the very next thing is to begin to think about a solution or how to handle or manage or adapt to it.

I do not tolerate people who point out problems or just talk about them without thinking of a solution or of contributing to the solution. I do not tolerate idiots. You shouldn’t too.

Kunle Soriyan says if you say “Nigeria is a crazy country! Nothing works here! Nigeria needs help!” perhaps you are the one that really needs the help. We have known for 50-odd years that Nigeria is a crazy country. We have known since 1960 that Nigeria needs help. And you are just finding out? Really? Then you must be a blast from the past. And you must need serious help.

This is what idiots do. They stare at a problem with morose eyes. The active idiots shout about the problem. And the vocal idiots complain about it. But no idiots attempt to fix problems. They do not look for solutions. Their concentration is on the problem and the wish that it would go away on its own.

To an idiot, what should otherwise be the very basic concept of problem solving becomes one of the higher mysteries of the celestial system.

 

READ MORE Idiots Guide To The Universe #4.

 


Akpoveta Valentine ‘t

When Karma Tell A Story

Lights Out | When Karma Tells A Story

LIGHTS OUT

The sun crawled slowly across the sky like a sulking child who didn’t want to go to bed. From the western horizon it peered at the three friends sitting on a bench in front of a house who were deep in their own world, laughing at jokes and making fun of each other.

“No, no, guys listen. I have a date seriously. Why is that so hard for you to believe?” Nonso, the smallest among the three quipped.

“You have a date?” Igwe asked, stretching his tall frame.

“Haha, Nonso let us hear word abeg.”

Ebube was struggling to contain his amusement.

“I’m dating someone, you fools.”

“You’re dating someone? Is she calendar?” Igwe asked before he and Ebube burst out laughing.

“Very stupid guys.”

Nonso couldn’t help smiling despite himself.

“Guy, date calendar nah,” Ebube suggested.

“You’re just a fool,” Nonso mouthed, “an ewu.”

Igwe and Ebube laughed some more while they watched two men approach them from across the street. The men strode up to them, purpose behind every footfall. Igwe’s laughter died in his throat as he espied them wearily. It was Sunday evening and he knew what they were coming for.

“Nwanne, good evening,” one of them greeted.

His beard was bushy around his mouth and he looked like the self-appointed speaker among the two because the other one who was lanky as a broomstick fell in line behind him.

Igwe grunted in response. Ebube didn’t say a word. Nonso replied their greeting cheerfully. The bearded one stared at them unsure of how to or if to start, but continued anyway, focusing on Nonso and buoyed by his acceptance of them.

“We brought you the good news,” he began.

“I don’t think I’ll be listening,” Igwe replied before Nonso could say anything.

“What do you mean?” the broomstick-looking preacher behind the bearded one exclaimed.

It was more of a rebuke than a question.

“We won’t listen. You guys should go,” Ebube responded, his voice cold as harmattan nights.

The shock on Nonso’s face must have got hold of his tongue. He couldn’t stop staring at his friends.

“Are you rejecting the word of God?” the first speaker asked, trying desperately to keep his cool.

“We just don’t want to listen today,” Igwe replied.

“The bible says if you reject the word of God, he will also reject you,” the speaker began.

“Yes yes, can you go now?”

Ebube was visibly irritated.

“You’ll go to hell, three of you.”

“Oho, what did I tell you? All they do is preach condemnation,” Igwe remarked, “just go, we have heard.”

The preachers stalked off with righteous indignation leaving behind awkward silence.

“What did you two just do?” Nonso asked.

“Bought a first class ticket to hell,”

“It’s not funny.”

Nonso looked like he was about to launch into an unpleasant homily before Ebube broke in.

“Listen, Nonso, what if you die and it’s Allah you see at the other side?”

“It can’t be,” Nonso exclaimed.

“That’s what they also say.”

“How about Buddha? Amadioha? Sango?” Igwe added.

“Both of you are crazy.”

“Just think about it.”

***

Igwe saw the star fall behind his house. He had seen his room filled with blinding light which illuminated every corner of his room before he saw it fall over the hill behind their house. It had come with a buzzing sound that made everything vibrate. He wondered if anyone else had seen it as he turned to wake his brother who was sleeping in his room that night.
“Emeka,” he started saying before he stopped.

Emeka’s bed was empty except for the clothes that he wore to sleep that night. He wondered why Emeka would remove his clothes. He climbed down from his bed, it seemed there was something wrong with the clothe, like it was torn. The light which he always left on at night blinked twice before it blinked off. He stared outside through the window, there was still light in the neighbourhood.

A scratching sound came from the direction of the door, like the one rats made while he struggled to sleep. But this was longer, bigger and made with something bigger than a rat’s claws.

“Emeka,” he called.

Emeka and his stupid pranks, even this late at night. He was probably responsible for the light that had flooded the room not long ago. The scratching sound came again, closer to the door. Igwe fumbled for his torch, found it and stumbled towards the door. He tried to open it and found it was jammed. Emeka was not going to sleep in his room again, he cursed.

“Emeka!” he shouted.

“It’s the end of the world, bro.”

That was definitely Emeka’s voice.

“Are you stupid?” Igwe raged, shaking the door handle furiously, “are you ma…”

The door opened, throwing him backwards and his torchlight just glimpsed it before it rolled away from his hands as he lost his balance.

Igwe didn’t believe in demons. Okay, there was a time he believed all that shit, when all his parents had to say was “hell is real” and he would pray for days on end. But not anymore, so he was at loss on what to call the creature in the doorway as the light from the torch fell on the wall and illuminated the room. The shadow stood for a while before mimicking him.

“Are you stupid? Are you ma?”

Slowly, Igwe picked himself up and backed away from it towards the window. It was almost ten feet tall and Igwe could feel its red eyes unblinkingly sizing him up. In the little light cast by the torch he couldn’t make out much else and he very well couldn’t go to pick up his torch for a closer inspection.

“Jesus,” he whispered.

“Or Allah or Buddha. Bottom line is you didn’t make heaven.”

Igwe felt it then, as the thing took a step into his room, bending to get in, the scorching heat emanating from the body.

“God save me.”

“We are God,” the demon moved closer, each step thundering through the house.

“No no no no…”

Igwe felt the hands on him and the heat which threatened to roast him. Then he felt something else, a prick, a rigid prick. The demon held him and turned him over.

“Jiiiiisssooooooss!” Igwe screamed as he sprang awake.

His heart threatened to abandon his chest and run away. His eyes were wide as he tried to convince himself it was just a dream, a terrible nightmare. He wiped the sweat on his face before turning to the other bed in the room. It was empty and Emeka’s clothes were on it. There was something wrong with them. They looked tor…

The light went off.


Samuel Oge Thrills us with this column.

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Gambler Bae Or Just Plain Grind And Luck? | Playing Texas Lottery

 

” So Enny  you have turned to a gambler?”

” No nah, it is just like a game” was my reply when I told someone I played the Texas lottery.

Many people are of the disposition that playing the lottery is tantamount to gambling but that one no concern me oh. Not when money is involved and don’t even give me that crap about the how the love of money is the root of evil. Ye all just like to deceive yaselves and throw things out of context. So if  I decIde to particIpate in a lottery game and I win a million bucks, would you say I was gambling or just plain luck? if I give you half of the money, would you take it or let it be? You decide pal.

Besides, there are genuine reasons for setting up this game. For instance, some of the scratch offs were created to cater for schools and veterans. The Texas A and M one dollar scratch off ticket is one fine example. I do not know all the details but I do know we are all playing this game and everyone wants to hit the jackpot!

Let me tell you what happened, remember, I didn’t come here to play, in as much as I have to watch, learn and take my steps one at a time, I am here to milk on the long run, no dulling.

So I played the Texas lottery where I worked about four to five times and I won between 1 dollar to 5 dollars. The highest I ever won in the past was 25 dollars from a 5 dollar scratch off ticket. Call me gambler, your own free thought ticket.

My Super Win!

There is this particular lady with “good hands,” anytime she buys a ticket, she always win. Not small money oh, from 20 dollars to 150 dollars on a 5 dollar scratch off ( I know ye all thinking the money is small but haba calm down, you gave 5 dollars and won a hundred? common, don’t be a wide mouth! )  There is this other man that even plays bigger sums, he plays a 50 dollar scratch off and sometimes loses and he still keeps buying. I do not know how some people keep losing and keep buying, not me oh. I am buying just to win please. But on some days, he had good wins.

I was proud of this woman, yes. She wins all the time. I asked her how she manages to know what ticket would win abi she be winch? she says she just chooses anyone she fancy. Ah! you must choose one for me then, me too I want to be a winner. She said no problem. She buys more ticket, told me she needed the receipt, something unusual of her, then handed me a 5 dollar scratch off and the receipt.  ” That’s for you” she says. ehn, I was full of thanks. I was excted that oh my goodness, what if I win 1 million from this hand blessed from heaven.

Hehhehehe I waited till noon, scratched off the ticket and frowned that the winning numbers didn’t match, then my eye caught something, I had hit a triple 7 according to the ticket, whatever amount is on the number is tripled and there was a 50 on it. I freaking won 150 dollars from a 5 dollar scratch off that I didn’t even buy. Holy cow! oh my….  I was flabbergasted. hehehehhehe I went happily to the cashier to cash out my money and he told me it was not a winner, my eyes were like “see no dey follow me play rough play oh”  but then he said he was joking and was equally excited for me. I was only too happy to share my story to him.  Yes keh.

They said we should be humble in the days of small beginnings, here i am, I am humble as shii by being too shocked to realize I just won 150 dollars without working my ass off. Me that I am broke like kinikan.  If ye be broke here, oga ya on your own mehn. No Iya Basira, I will pay you later.

Hehheheh maybe you don’t know what that feels like. If someone walks up to you in America and dashes you 50 dollars, note that the holy spirit sent him ‘cos nothing is for free.

So I have 150 dollars in my hands now and I still cannot believe it. Who wants to buy anything, tell me what you want now, heheheheh

And tell me if I should not play more.

Don’t worry, I already bought the 5 dollar lone star combo. I must win by fire by force. Say Amen!

 

 

 

I Can’t Get Over This Commercial | Yoplait Even Got The Cow Clueless

I have been itching to write on this commercial I tag as silly. Funny is far form it because then that would make it silly funny. 
 
Yoplait is a kiddie kind of yogurt though from most of its commercials, it says everyone loves yoplait. I have tried the yogurt which comes in different flavours but it isn’t just my thing. 
       
First Eye: That year, NBC was very fond of showing ridiculous commercials, almost like it was planned to amuse my fancy. And on one of such nights, I discovered the Yoplait advert and I am like please what kind of commercial is this? This is the kind of advert that makes me dread the product or nod my head in disappointment when I come across it at the store. By mistake. How could you guys put such on Tv?
The er high five: The end notes following this commercial is the only best thing that happened and that is all there is to say.
 
The hmmm part:
So to top it, they came up with this commercial where an old man had to talk to a cow. I do not get.
 
You know it’s a cow and it may not get your point yet you still try to talk to it?
Why does he have to take a scoop of the yogurt and try convince the cow that its milk is the best? Even the cow is clueless. And the last part that got me shaking my head and saying oh my goodness was after his speech, he ran off thinking the cow would follow in pursuit. Perhaps, the advertising agency was trying to convince viewers that the cow didn’t like the whole idea of its milk being processed into a yogurt?
Was it supposed to be funny? Please it isn’t.
 
The other commercial that showed a family of four making hmmm sounds because they had a Yoplait was even manageable. Not this. Did you see that man banging the table though? Just watch this commercial and tell me if you don’t feel my pain.
        READ MORE:  Are You Tired?
If anyone knows the company, please tell them to stop. They are embarrassing the confederation of animal milk production professionals aka the cows.
And the advertising agency they patronized or whoever gave them this idea should be banned.
 
Hian!

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Tiredness May Be An Excuse After All. | Talk Truth, I Know You Are Tired, Lisa Kokoko At It Again.

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Have you ever heard someone say they are tired? Silly question. Let me rephrase. How many times have you heard people say they’re tired?  Plenty times!

I say it too and yes it really isn’t a big deal anymore. See we have heard all over the world, people placing banners and mounting speakers shouting on their voices about time to shine, strive to excel and the motivation kinikan.

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god versus beast? | How Do You Make It?

                                                      A.                   
I know of a god; he is you and he is me. He is made of every essence possible but he has this Achilles hill…HE IS ALSO A BEAST!
THREE FACTS!    
One; Everyone I know, I mean EVERY HUMAN that my eyes and ears have had knowledge of- whether good, bad, ugly. They all need to survive.
Two; Much more, they all need to find expression and be the god they are.

Three; There is a struggle, a fight, a war…It reminds me of a story about some Jewish builders who were carrying out the construction of temple walls in the heat of an uproar. They held swords in one hand, mortar and trowel in the other. In EVERYWHERE and in EVERYONE here on earth is the beast and the god at war. For some, the god has more victory over the beast, for many the beast is at feast. It was Paulus Romanus code named 724 who exclaimed; “O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from this body of death?”
                                                            B.
I know of a god, he is you and he is me. He is made of every essence possible but he has this Achilles hill… HE HAS A BEAST!
Somewhere around 1210 BC, Dreadlock son of Judges, code named 1619 said these prayers before he committed suicide; “O Lord God, remember me, I pray thee, and strengthen me, I pray thee only this once…”EVERY lion I have met has at least a spike in his paws, and they are in four categories.
Some have adapted to it.  Some have their movement slowed down. Some others are not moving. The forth keep moving while they remove the spike one by one.
                                                          C.
At some point, one could blame nature or creation for the imperfection and unfairness of life. Today it’s in your favour, tomorrow it is against you. We wake up one day to consciousness to discover the class of family we were born into, the personality type we carry, the habits we suddenly discover but know not where they came from, and so many other things. But come to think of it, that’s the way it is here on earth. Disequilibrium and chaos theory! The good question should be how winners made it despite the unfairness and imbalance of nature. Sincerely that’s my question to you. Excuses don’t cut it. Life has been unfair since whenever, embrace that fact and deliberately beat your portion out of life. Be aware of the beasts and seek creative ways to tame it.


Paul Shola Oguntade

Creative Director, AVAN House.    

www.menthatbe.com

Photo Credit: google images

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